Life with Aspergers Aspie Myths "He Won't Miss



My Aspie boyfriend and I have fallen out - over what is I believe an enormous miscommunication I have tried contacting him and he rarely replies I invited him out and he hasn't replied to my email I'd like to think he is 'burning inside' for me and is simply unable to communicate that but what I actually think is that he simply doesn't care He's he gives me a chance to ask him meet him and chat with him I will never know And he's not giving me that chance As an NT who dated an Aspie man for 2 years your question about why do NTs tolerate this can be answered by reading about how being in an Aspie relationship can cause codependency It's a lovely and frightening place It caused me 2 break downs and i turned from an outgoing cheerful individual to a shadow of my former self The affect Aspies have on their partners can be very destructive Thank you Gavin I'm pleased to have found this blog It's been immensely helpful to my understanding Just wish you could do something about the anguish :-(Waterloo I totally and utterly agree with that I think they are very chameleon like The man I left was nothing like the guy I met in personality or showing love I remember thinking once in the beginning that he was just copying what I'd said but in different words I don't think it now I know it!'n Are any of these Aspie men named Eric? Several of your stories sound eerily similar to a man I am dating I have been in a almost 2year relationship with a 50 year old male aspie He has been divorced for years It has been a yo-yo of breaking up/making have had communication problems and issues with his time management skills In the past 3 weeks i have read several books on how to better communicate with him and learned much more about aspergers I realized I have made mistakes communicating with him This last time he has stated that it is over He seems determined that it is for my own good and that I will be better off I know that he loves me He was very emotional telling me goodbye My question is how do I convince him that he is the one that makes. What I find so confusing and disheartening is the unanswerable question: does my AS man really care for me but is unable to show it in the usual conventional ways because he's eaten up with his own anxieties or am I deluding myself and hiding from the fact that he really doesn't care that much? If it's him being Asperger-ish I can cope say to myself "well I need to accept him as he is," and not get angry If I'm misreading the situation I'm being the blind fool potentially making myself pitiful in his eyes My family already thinks he's taking me for. I am an NT married to an Aspie very happily may I add I truly appreciate his honesty even when it comes out worded wrong Words are just vehicles for meaning what's actually important is the intent My husband very very seldom says he loves me but he shows me all the time And when he says something like "I don't think I'd ever be happy without a sidekick" that translates to me as "You make me happier than I have ever been" That says love to me and it also says he would. Clarissa no YOU are wrong There can most definitely be a male point of view often influenced by social mores You are merely taking a 'politically correct' stance on Gavin's comment I believe he meant from his own male Aspie viewpoint anyway It was any of the Aspie male participants shed light on one thing? How then do you express your love or desire or like for an NT who is likely to be influenced by her own cultural definitions and/or media-concocted ones of how to express affection?The abundance of 'He's Not That Into You' style books on how to look for the clues and signs are a perfect example how rigid our views of love can WaterlooI really enjoy this blog I've never felt compelled to participate in one before Thank. " I know some aspies who frequently I know some aspies who frequently say the most inappropriate and offensive things about - and to - their girlfriends "Those poor girlfriends Why do they stay with people who do things that hurt them?Did someone accuse them of anti-aspie discrimination for not wanting to keep dating people who frequently say the most inappropriate and offensive things about - and to - them?Are some of these girlfriends from cultures with "stop crying about loneliness!!! shut up and study!!!" customs? Did someone accuse them of selling out to the West and being frivolous for caring about social skills instead of lying back and thinking about the men being good providers?Are some of these girlfriends Aspie themselves? Did someone accuse them of betraying their people and selling out to NTs for caring about their self-respect instead of lying back and thinking about neurodiversity?

First of all there is no "male viewpoint." :-) It just doesn't exist anywhere in the world except crappu TV shows like "Sex and the City."Second when you described the typical Aspie boyfriend who says "the most inappropriate and offensive things about - and to" their current or former partner I definitely recognized myself As a female Aspie I always have and always will behave just like that I do realize of course that the way society works right now it is much easier to do those things as an attractive woman than as a man So I think your post makes several important job! Your blog surely does make a difference

"he won't miss me because hes an aspie."Uh no I am an aspie 6 months ago i broke up with my girlfriend (i dumped her) and some days i wish i was still with her I miss being close and intimate and telling her how nice it was to hold her I miss hearing her say nice things and cuddling up with me i don't miss is when she used to start drama on the drop of a pin Especially when she got drunk I wasnt going to spend the rest of my life being verbally chewed on. Hi again Miguel,You don't sound clinical All your insight and advise has been great SO the weekend is almost done We slept in separate beds- it was a nice weekend and we cuddled at night when we watched television He lay his head on my lap and I had my arms around him and then another night I lay to his side in between his legs with my head on his belly He was comfortable and it didn't seem awkward When it came to after he wasn't comfortable in sharing the bed- with no other intentions This was strange I thought But we did have warm physical contact Thanks so much for your help and you insight on this weekend would be good as well He was able to do his routine stuff and didn't seem like me being here made him. " Instead I'll go away and lick my wounds knowing that Aspie or not I simply meant nothing to him "Rthat it's not even calling him a bad boyfriend (even if someone else accuses you of doing that) when you go lick your wounds! It's calling recognizing that having him for a boyfriend is *bad for you* even though he still could turn out to be a good boyfriend *for someone else*.You don't shouldn't have to keep dating someone just because someone else who doesn't have the same preferences as you do tells you that he or she is "intoxicating" or whatever Nobody should. I forgot to add that this man only comes over to my home like two times a year for dinner and he has never allowed me into his apartment I try to get him to do things but it's always a no I see him at work but it's not the same as having him over and getting to hold his hand He is so special to me and a part of me is dying inside because of how much I miss him and I just don't think he. Not to say he doesn't care or might be taking you for a ride both things which are humanly possible Aspergers or not But as I'll judge based on myself if he does care and loves you he may have a difficult time expressing it and also a difficult time interpreting your feelings and perhaps a very difficult time interpreting things which are implicit With me for example it really helps if one is rather explicit This post really encouraged me I have an aspie boyfriend who is planning to marry me next year and this explained a lot of turmoil I have gone through Recently I went through the struggle of wanting to leave the relationship for a period of time for personal reasons but I am terrified of the fact that he won't ever come after me He already thinks he'd be doing me a favor to let me go even though he's the best thing that ever happened.

What a sweet supportive message You really touched my heart Thank you so much I'm still up and down still missing the man I wanted him to be the person I saw glimpses of his shadow self When I pray I ask for the courage to release him and that he find true happiness with someone else I don't want to be angry but it would be a lot easier to let him go if I was Maybe that's the hold: How can I be angry when I think he couldn't help treating me so poorly all the while telling me he loved me and that the problems between us were all my fault He was very good at turning the tables on me and I think often smug about it Just so confusing Anyway your message was a gift to me Thank. Hi Gavin,I have been in a "relationship" with a man for about one year I do not wish to disclose any information on the blog but was wondering your take on it I believe he does have Asperger's He does seem to have many traits and since I began using some suggestions in communicating things have been better Is there a way I can email you to describe more details about the relationship? Thank you. Hi Anonymous,I cant offer advice as I find myself always questioning and reading my AS man I can completely understand your connection with him and also how special he is for you All I can say is that you have to be patient and also gain his trust its hard and I have been through this Its painful when we do not interupt things correctly With my man I think each time i tried to bring something up it updet him becuase he thought maybe it would be me ending it Seems like a lot of fear maybe of rejection from both sides COmmunicate and understand each other its hard Instead of surprising him by a visit- can you call him and talk and tell him how you feel? Best. Hi Miguel PalacioThanks so much for taking your time and replying sincerely This was very helpful I just hurt because I love him so much and not sure how he feels or if he can feel love for me He has had a lot of difficulty at work as people misunderstand him He also talks to another lady everyday that works in his department but lives in another town He told me yesterday that she didn't call and he knew something was wrong and so he called her at work and she left early so he called her on her cell Should I be worried? She is married with 3 kids He didn't invite her for the weekend Today he emailed me and said hi buttercup/plum I feel so helpless and am so struggling with this Any more advice would be welcomed and appreciated Not sure how to even approach sex Do I ignore it or what? I'm. Hi again Miguel,You dont know how much i appreciate your feedback and guidance I spoke to my fellow last night and we discussed this lady with 3 weeks who calls him daily and he said that he doesnt love her and that he does enjoy talking to her like his other males that he mentioned He said that his emotions are shallow and he doesnt know what love is He did say that he didnt bring up her name in conversation becuase he didnt like to see me hurt or sad He even mentioned when he is asked about whether he loves his mother- that he doesnt know how to answer that Is this Aspie capable of love and a relationship I have said to him in a joking manner that i didnt mind if he spoke to this lady as long as the understanding there was that he was mine He didnt argue the point and i said it to see if he would- to get a better insight would be helpful Thank you kindly Colliwobbles You can always send me messages via the link on the About page I'm sometimes a little slow to respond because I get a lot of mail and I like to make sure that when I do respond it's thoughtful sometimes I need a few days to really think about the right responses As for Miguel he's a regular on this thread and I'm sure he'll. Hi Miguel,Its been a while since I last wrote Things with my Aspie man are coming along well a little slow but good We have established that we are in a relationship He took me to the bank last week and informed me of his savings as we met with his banker and I was totally surprised and not expecting this They asked him if I was his wife and he replied "she could be" It was like we are a couple We live in two different cities He hasnt told me he loves me or misses me I went up and stayed with him for 10 days in his apt which was the first time and we slept in the same bed and cuddled I think sex will come What is your input on. I am so greatful to have read this blog My boyfriend has Aspergers and I don't This is all very new to me since he just told me about it a week ago and we have been dating for a year A lot of it makes sense now It has been a very hard road I love him like crazy,but he just ended it with me in his own way (not calling avoiding me) The hardest thing for me is that I always believed that because he wouldn't miss me and would forget me That I would suffer through this break up all on my own but now I see that this isn't necessarly. "dont act like girls are being abused and misstreated just because they arnt being lied to and manipulated Some woman the smart ones i might add become aware that even though the truth can sting from time to time its worth sacrificing for complete and total honesty."The truth can sting from time to time Brutal bullshit and brutal lies can sting too Not all brutality is honest and not all honesty is brutal!Meanwhile there's a *third* option I don't have to sacrifice my well-being to date a so-called aspie who uses me in ways that hurt me in order to avoid dating an NT who you claim wants to hurt me I can avoid dating that NT *and* avoid dating that so-called aspie at the same time because I can stay single instead of dating either! :) One thing that my aspie husband and I have always done is the "good-bye kiss" and saying "I love you" When we started dating he said that he didn't want to start doing irrelevant goodbyes and affection but I stuck with it now its a habit Whenever one of us leaves the other we give a kiss and say I love you If we didn't I don't know when we would say it accept for when we are having a discussion(fight) It reassures me the NT and it doesn't let him forget the little affections that I feel are important So true My adpie ex bf changed after 3 months The act dropped and i saw his true self centered selfish personality It is very similar to what NPDs do but with an Aspie we are told to accept and understand it because they can't help ex won't believe he is Aspie He told me he loved me while we spent 36 hrs in bed together after a fantastic NYE together Less than 6 days later he is already dating again Aspies are heartless They love themselves and destroy people workout a care in the world Other people don't matter On the About tab at the top of the screen there is a link to an email contact system Anyone can contact me. An Aspie that isn't self-aware may continue in their rut post ad-infinitum <-- to quote the Latin version of Buzz Lightyear Thanks so much Miguel Palacio,Yes it will take time and effort and I have been very patient with him He has had a lot of issues with work as no one understands him He talks to another lady every day who works in his department but another town He told me yesterday she didn't call him and he knew something was wrong and he called her at work and cell They talk daily She is married with kids- should I be worried He emailed me today with the greeting hi buttercup/plum A person with Asperger's who likes someone but is too afraid to make a move can wait for a lifetime That's how difficult it is to make a move under those best thing that you could do is ask the question directly (maybe via an email as this will give him time to think).Make sure that you make your expectations for changes ;Don't go out with (kiss) any other girls during the time that you are "dating".Take your profile off the dating sites while you are things seem obvious to you but they might not be so obvious to him unless you explicitly. I'm in love with an aspie We talk everyday and email I initiate it all I tell him I love him and he doesn't respond but will write back This morning I emailed and greeted by saying good morning my sweet sugar plum and he responded by saying he couldn't think of a fruit analogy for me I'm going to stay with him while he is away for work We live in to different cities and he seems happy about me visiting We are sharing a hotel room and I know there is a pull out couch however sleeping arrangements were not discussed Do you think he love me in his way please help I love him so much He is quirky but he lights up. I was having serious issues with my boyfriend My problem was very difficult and it made me come to a very close to giving up my lover suddenly changed when he traveled to Germany for a business purpose he wasn't returning my calls i never knew he has started cheating on me he was hurting me in many ways when i found out A good friend of mine recommended TO this SPELL CASTER great zula I was very skeptical about using a love spell i when i finally gave a try to my surprise after days that I had my spell cast by great zula I was absolutely shocked that my boyfriend called me to apologize to me he knelt on his knees begging me to take him back greatzula@ brought my lover back to me he is the one of the cheapest and best service i have ever seen anywhere finally my lover returned to me we are back and happier than ever MY LOVER JUST GAVE ME A RING. I have been dating an undiagnosed AS 51 yr old man for 5 months First months for the most part was pure bliss an occasional shut down and terse cold man would replaced the warm adoring man that I was falling for A month ago his father passed away while my AS boyfriend was there holding his had The day of the funeral I felt him completely shut down on me and check out I was struggling with this and at least 3 times asked questions like "are we ok" where he was cold and rude until one day he drank too much and completely snapped We are now at the point where we are barely speaking He has told me that he just needs some time to figure things out I am very much struggling with this bc I don't know if he just needs space and typical for an AS man suffering from such a tragedy? I tend to think it's an exit strategy but don't want to abandon if the man is suffering and just needs the space temporarily By the way Miguel- he hasnt said I love you to me or that he misses me He has asked when I will visit him I wish he could express this as it would help me feel more secure Is it really worth disregarding our own happiness and needs because they don't suit the person we've decided to give them up for?Are they someone who makes a positive addition to your life or do they detract from what makes you you?Are they a partner or a full time project?Why do WE Choose them?Just a few questions I can ask with t the benefit of hindsight as luckily for me he finished it and stopped me sacrificing my own needs possibly for the rest of my life That wouldn't have been good for anyone Helllo- u have no idea how happy i am to have found this blog I have been married to an Aspie man for almost 5 years and i just recently found out that he has it.i want to make this work but it can be very difficult to communicate with him especially when we disagree or i am trying to explain how i feel about something what are some communication tips?This has been very emotional for me because i have felt like i was crazy and that he didn't. Hello responder to me and my questions,17 days and counting without any word from him I am losing hope but at least I'm getting out of bed So you think I'm on the spectrum? Well I do work with children who are and frankly I suspect everyone is somewhere on the continuum I've never thought of myself that way and I certainly don't possess the high IQ of a typical Aspie Interesting thought Maybe in all my free time these days I should check out one of the online thank you for responding I was beginning to fear that no one would I'm having a really hard time with this and it just kills me not to have a definitive answer or closure or something that I can thank you for your thoughts Miguel I think you're great! I'm a female Aspie Are you on Facebook? Can you give your details? I think you're interesting! Hi I believe my bf is an aspie too He doesn't seem to ever care about what I feel unless he thinks I'm worried then he'll do something about it He's EXTRMELY clingy and insulting He says things that are funny to him but very very offensive and cruel about me He truly is the strangest person I EVER met Can you please email me? I want to talk to someone who is familiar more then I am I feel like I'm gone crazy for the last 3 years If we don't do things all he does is sit on his phone and watch YouTube and scroll through Facebook He doesn't know anything worth talking about or any stimulation at all It's like his brain is asleep His eyes are blank and his mind is blank Please contact me back Angelinadenise255@gmail Thanks so much for posting your story I have been with my partner for ten years and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions I feel like I need to leave - I love him but I know I can't get the kind of love I need from him We have talked about breaking up several times When I mention possibly getting work interstate or overseas (because though I don't get the love I want from him I am so reluctant to cause him any pain) he tells me to do whatever will make me happy I feel like he is being magnanimous when I really want him to tell me to stay and I really want him to just make time for me I am so glad to hear there was a happy ending to your story I think I've always been able to sense what is under the surface of my partner and that is why I've stayed but it doesn't mean it has not been incredibly hard for me when I am not getting what. I am so greatful to have read this blog My boyfriend has Aspergers and I don't This is all very new to me since he just told me about it a week ago and we have been dating for a year A lot of it makes sense now It has been a very hard road I love him like crazy,but he just ended it with me in his own way (not calling avoiding me) The hardest thing for me is that I always believed that because he wouldn't miss me and would forget me That I would suffer through this break up all on my own but now I see that this isn't necessarly. I have a 7 year old aspie & two other NT boys You make a lot of great points great blog I will with out a doubt stop back in to. My question is Do you walk away from a deep love or any love if the "symptoms" are making your life hard? My aspie man ( I'm NT) has nearly ruined my business So I have no affection no intimacy and few customers left ??? Name Email * Message * Oh forgot to mention - thank goodness for blogs like this If I dont check on these every couple of months I forget myself get angry and resentful at him expect thing s from him that I know he cannot deliver and then get depressed and want to leave This reminds me that he does not mean to hurt me or cause upset in the relationship Hi Gavin you article really 'He Won't Miss Me' really struck me and I feel exactly the same way The one thing is was wondering is what you meant explicitly by 'change my life to. Ok so when someone stays away from you it most likely means that he or she doesn't want to be with it could also mean that he or she does want to be with you but expresses it could even mean that he or she really likes dinosaurs a lot and that "I don't want to be with you" is his or her totally unique and nonconformist and different way of expressing "I REALLY LIKE DINOSAURS!"Once you decide that you shouldn't take into account what someone actually says and does in order to figure out what he or she probably means then you can ignore whatever he or she actually says and does make up *anything* and say he or she really means *that* instead Do you mean Aric? Have you met him before? Meaning is this an online relationship? If this sounds right contact me I had a similar experience Hi Miguel,You have definately and are a great compass I guess my fear is that I am so in love and expecting rejection for some reason and am scared of rejection because I love him so much Only 2 more days before I visit him I thought it was sweet when he gave me the room number and said "our room is on the ground floor." I am hoping this will be a great weekend and that we can move the relationship to the next level I will keep you posted I hope all is well. I found your problem"I learned how to be the sort of person she wanted"this is why I freaking hate relationships because there will always be sacrifices I ain't sacrificing me for a steady i am somewhat less social than other people :p Fantastic blog all your posts are very last year I broke up with my aspie boyfriend ( year together) the very same month he began another relationship And next month he began another one with a woman from his office He never tried to contact me even if he knew that I was going trough a surgery not an attempt just to answer "did everything went fine or do you need some help ? " He was dating with her colleague for two months and immediately moved to her house where they are now living together with her two children It is as if I never have existed in his life ! It's difficult for me to understand how you can start a new relationship without a "normal mourning time" in order to heal your soul from the wounds that any break up or loose leaves in your life So sure an AS won't. My aspie bf broke up with me 6 months ago after only 2 months of dating and I feel like the one who can't stop thinking about him and I heard he got a new gf a couple of months ago I miss him so much but he did say a lot of mean things about me behind my back while we were going out He dumped me over text saying it was better fir the both of us in the long run He always had a problem with alcohol and smoking and he saw it as me controlling him when I encouraged him to stop Last time I heard he started drugs as well He also has ADHD.I really feel like he's the one that's forgotten because last time we spoke 3 months ago he said he didn't want anything to do with me I feel like I treated him badly somehow and I have depression and anxiety so I'm so scared to message him I really do want to talk to him I miss him so much but he's probably replaced me So then would you offer polygamy in a relationship so that all of our needs can be met? They are needs. Dear GavinJust after some advice My husband shut down on me He is an Aspie It has been hard since we got married I love him and I know he loves me too It is just that I am finding it hard to come to understand how one minute he could not live without me and hated me going to work Now this? He has said that we can spend the weekend every other weekend when I don't have my daughter together But that he can't do phone calls text I will get the odd text from him but if I text him I am pressuring him So confused Do I walk away? Is he just mean and self centered? Or as you say can't calculate time for me? When I'm at our old home where he lives he say's I make it warm He acknowledges that I am everything he every wanted still This has dragged on since early January and I am going mad with grief longing and feeling used He hides that he loves me from his friends Three months down with no end in sight Please any adviceThanks Danielle Same story different Aspie I have known mine for 5 years In that time we have only met a dozen times even though we live in the same suburb Our online communication is intense and can consume my life He has told me we will never be a couple and we will never have sex in his lifetime Well we did but it took years and much persuasion on my part I felt truly connected to him for the first time only to be told on leaving his house that sex was a great relief and he planned on having heaps more with other people Hi,i know the frustrations from the NT point and try so hard to be understanding of the AS man in my life I keep reminding myself that he cant always relate and that he isnt being insensitive or purposely hurtful Its hard- he seems to focus on himself a lot and not interested in other people I have been sick and he hasnt appeared to be as concerned as my other NT friends I always tell him I love him and he doesnt say anothing back and will just respond with ok or nothing Sometimes I feel like i make all the effort Its true I wonder if he does love me or miss me I wonder if i left his life- would it even matter would he care I do feel like im not of value and taken for granted It may just be the AS but it still hurts He is very sweet I do think Anonymous- you need to talk to him It may give you what you need either way I feel your pain i really do Thanks very much for your blog it was really helpful!I need some advice on where to go with my current on and off aspie bf:He seemed to be doing the thing you did before - that he couldnt juggle the time between workload from Uni his time with friends/his own hobbies and me and now he is completely shutting down on me After reading your blog I am wondering what is the best thing to do? Should I give him the space and time he needs but is there any way to keep in touch if he is shutting down? I don't know how long it will be and how much it will takes I am just puzzled I still love him but I don't know what to. Post a Comment To Anonymous: To me it seems as though it's 'rule-making" and you triggered some kind of rule It's kind of like a wired-in "if then" statement in his head If you can figure out what that "rule" may have been it may gain you insight as to why his sudden change of behaviour towards you as root. "change my life to fit her in" meant that I needed to look at the priorities in my life If you view your life as a series of time-slots everything was full In order to find more time with my partner something else needed to give For example I needed to reassess how much time I was spending on university projects how much time was going to sleeping in playing games reading books etc I didn't have to give up everything but I did have to try and squeeze a few more hours out of the week So for example getting up earlier meant that I could spend time on assignments in the morning instead of later at night when it was prime "going out time" Gavin I've been reading your blog on and off since 09 and as an NT in love with an Aspie it has helped me see things in another way (maybe even his?) This topic in particular got me as we've fought over his mentioning his exes It seems to me he's obsessed with them and since he can form resentments easily my saying I'm hurt and worried that he cares for them more has created tension What to an Aspie is reminiscing a triggered memory and an obsession a current GF should. @jodee,i see alot of letters of this sentiment and as a woman I can relate but as a person with AS I feel that it's a false conflict- women write essentially that they're being harmed emotionally and psychologically by being in a relationship with a male with AS But really I feel people are being harmed by their expectations of complete verbalised intimacy And by wanting all their needs met in one person I know better than to demand of every person I know a defined synopsis of their exact feelings and inner world but in "relationships" many people will keep on talking this point endlessly Shuvani,it sounds like you've suffered quite a bit and that if you had understood what was going on at the time things may have ended very differently.I guess the questions to ask are; Have you been seeing anyone since you broke up? and has he?You might find that he hasn't seen anyone You were a part of his life which ended He is probably sad about that but doesn't understand that that he could have changed ing upon his age and openness he may or may not be ready to start working towards a different kind of will be able to influence him but you won't be able to "change" him If you think you can live with that then he might be the one for you if not then it's best to. Oh my gosh I relate to all of these messages I don't know what the hold is but it's unlike any other I've ever had I miss my bf so much and am depressed and cry constantly I don't want him back I can't live like that again always confused feeling rejected unimportant invisible But I miss him with all my heart I can't seem to get past this although we broke up three times within 5 months and it's been a month since the last time I saw his profile on the dating service where we met and he seems very chipper and that was so hurtful I am in such misery and he's out there happily looking for a new love It's devastating Do we feel this way because it's the death of a dream? That we invested so much in trying to understand the differences between us worked so hard to make a connection with a man who couldn't understand emotions? All I know is that this is incredibly painful and I'm so tired of feeling. Thinking about it some more I wonder if it's a blessing he broke up with me I want to ask him to reconsider tell him how incredible he is and made me feel and that I am patient and understanding and want to make it work But maybe it is very very hard and unrealistic I live half the world away I'm in flux with what I want to do with my life maybe I don't have the strength to make it work no matter how hard I try Maybe it's better to leave him alone where he is more comfortable mentally (even if it seems tragic to me) than to rile up both our emotions and hint at promises that are hard to fulfill It deeply saddens me that he has a self-defeatist view on relationships He is possibly the sweetest guy I know (not to mention highly intelligent and physically attractive) He's literally my dream guy but has committed himself to being miserable :( So some (obviously female) idiot asked how girls could put up with aspies who say the most mean or abusive things to them and asked if it was just because they care about bla bla insert bullshit here That person may never read this but let me make one thing perfectly clear Those things that aspies say that come off as offensive are the exact same things that normal perople THINK but lie act like girls are being abused and misstreated just because they arnt being lied to and manipulated Some woman the smart ones i might add become aware that even though the truth can sting from time to time its worth sacrificing for complete and total the dumb woman who break up with overly honest aspies have fun living a lie As they say ignorance. This helped me a lot my ex my first in everything I had waited to fall in love with him My mind plays on how I could of changed and did things differently and I even questioned his feelings I regret making assumptions and never wanted to hurt him I lashed out and felt bad.I miss him alot some days I remember the good times and I just have to keep moving on it was probably the right for bothof us especially him I just wish I could apologise. As ever you hit the nail on the head I am often told that people don't realise that I care about them whereas I know inside that I have tremendous love and loyalty to my family and friends It is so hard to explain this discrepnacy to people who are not autistic as a lot of people think that it is easy to 'put on an act' of affection I sometimes feel as if there is a mental block that stops me doing things that seem false even when I know that people expect them (and even when it is not false that I can love and miss someone) I think that by false I mean 'not matching up with my emotions at the exact moment that people expect me to say or do something' Gavin and Miquel Is there a way to send you a private message? I started typing here but in order to give you the entire story of my suspected Aspie it will be long I could really use your advice and take on my situation as I've never met anyone like him before and feel confused and lost most of the time. Hi Seriously Seems like ur making progress and had some tender quality moments 1st thing is acceptance You've made it beyond the acceptance point Congratulations! :D He has to feel comfortable with you without being forced I think you've gotten there The expression that comes to mind is: "crawl walk run" ;-) Also when someone tells me he thinks I'm ugly and stupid I can handle the truth that he says I'm ugly and stupid (instead of ignoring the truth) *without* letting him. My bf and I had a similar experience I wasn't in an abusive relationship but I was with someone else who was completely wrong with me but I was so bent on getting affection that I didn't care After our year of being apart he got back with me and you're right I have no idea how much he missed me Reading this proved that he did though I'm happy we went through it He gets mad when people say that he "doesn't seem to care" but he's an Aspie AND he has puppy dog eyes so he always looks sad when he's just thinking.